Final Four Likability Index: Who rates highest?

Back by the demand of virtually no one, Yahoo Sports has again produced a Likability Index for the Final Four teams. This helpful guide is designed to help the casual fan decide who to root for this weekend in Houston.

Here is your highly scientific, 50-point inspection of North Carolina, Oklahoma, Syracuse and Villanova:

If your program has never won an NCAA tournament title, add 10 points for freshness.

If your program last won an NCAA tournament title when Wham! was big, add five points for freshness.

If your program last won an NCAA tournament title when Baghdad Bob was all over the nightly news, add two points for freshness.

If your program last won an NCAA tournament title during the Obama administration, add no points for freshness.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Oklahoma 10, Villanova 5, Syracuse 2, North Carolina 0.

If your best player is a senior named Buddy and is from the Bahamas and watching him shoot makes you smile, add 10 points.

If your best players have easily pronounced surnames like Paige and Johnson, add five points.

If your best players have names that require pronunciation guides and spellcheck, like Arcidiacono and Gbinije, deduct two points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Oklahoma 20, Villanova 3, North Carolina 2, Syracuse 0.

If your pretty coach has done a commercial for Dove Men + Care skin product, deduct five points.

If your coach is a regular schlub who looks like a coach, add five points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Oklahoma 25, North Carolina 7, Syracuse 5, Villanova -2.

If your coach opens practice daily to the general public, add five points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Oklahoma 30, North Carolina 7, Syracuse 5, Villanova -2.

If your school is a true basketball school, add 10 points.

If your school is a football school trying to pretend it loves basketball but really would rather focus on recruiting and spring practice, deduct five points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Oklahoma 25, North Carolina 17, Syracuse 15, Villanova 8.

If your coach looked like a dork in his regional championship hat, deduct five points.

If your coach is a country bumpkin who wore his regional championship hat sideways like he's straight street, add two points for audacious absurdity.

If your coach was smart enough not to wear his regional championship hat, add five points.

Unless your coach didn't wear his regional championship hat out of vanity, then deduct two points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Oklahoma 20, North Carolina 19, Villanova 11, Syracuse 10.

If your school had Melo, who led the program to its only title, add three points.

If your school also had the other Melo, who helped land the program on probation, deduct two points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Oklahoma 20, North Carolina 19, Villanova 11, Syracuse 11.

If your school's players all say the basketball program is like a family, add five points.

If your school's program used to be like AFAM-ily, deduct 10 points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Oklahoma 25, Villanova 16, Syracuse 16, North Carolina 14.

If your coach's first name contains just three letters, add three points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Oklahoma 28, Villanova 19, Syracuse 19, North Carolina 17.

If your program's most famous alum has become a tragicomic Internet meme, deduct two points.

If your program's most famous alum hasn't been in the NBA playoffs for three years, deduct three points.

If your program's most famous alum punched his NBA team's equipment manager, deduct four points.

If the face of your program over the last year has been a crying piccolo player, deduct five points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Oklahoma 24, Syracuse 16, North Carolina 15, Villanova 14.

If the coach the last time your school made the Final Four is the coach this time as well, add five points for continuity.

If the coach the last time your school made the Final Four was Kelvin Sampson, deduct three points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Syracuse 21, Oklahoma 21, North Carolina 20, Villanova 19.

If your school once had a star guard nicknamed Pearl, add five points.

If your school once had a star guard nicknamed Mookie, add five points.

If your school once had a star guard named Jordan, add 23 points.

If your school once had a star guard who played the national semifinal game under the influence of cocaine, deduct five points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: North Carolina 43, Oklahoma 26, Syracuse 26, Villanova 14.

If your school has made the Final Four without tens of millions in football-fueled annual conference media-rights revenue, add 15 points.

If your school is just the second from its conference to make the Final Four since 2004, add five points.

If your school is perennially accused of having the conference office kowtow to you, deduct one point.

If your school's history with its current conference is roughly the length of the shot clock, deduct five points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: North Carolina 42, Oklahoma 31, Villanova 29, Syracuse 21.

If your coach has his dream job, add five points.

If your coach has his seventh job, deduct three points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: North Carolina 47, Villanova 34, Oklahoma 28, Syracuse 26.

If your school's women's basketball team is also going to the Final Four this year, add three points.

If your school's women's basketball team has been to the Final Four in the past six years, add three points.

If your school's women's basketball team is irrelevant, deduct one point.

If your school wants to blame all its NCAA troubles on women's basketball, deduct 20 points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Villanova 33, Oklahoma 31, Syracuse 29, North Carolina 27.

If your school kept Phil Knight's school out of the Final Four, add two points.

If your school kept Wayne Selden's crazy uncle out of the Final Four, deduct two points.

If your school made Virginia stop dawdling, add two points.

If your school sent Yogi Ferrell's cute little sisters home, deduct two points.

 

LIKABILITY SCOREBOARD: Oklahoma 33, Syracuse 31, Villanova 31, North Carolina 25.

If your school's fight song starts with the same two words sung seven straight times, deduct seven points.

If your school's best two chances to win a national title ran into Bob Cousy and Danny Manning, add two sympathy points.

If your program hasn't had a first-round draft pick since 2007 but still has won at least 20 games in eight of nine seasons since then, add two points.

If your school's coach cannot string together two sentences without a "dadgum" or a "frickin," deduct two points.

If Houston seems like Paris compared to your college town, deduct 10 points.

 

LIKEABILITY SCOREBOARD – FINAL SCORE: Villanova 33, Oklahoma 28, North Carolina 23, Syracuse 21.