In an open letter to his most vocal doubters, Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon addressed his alleged sixth violation of the NFL's substance abuse policy, which could cost him the entire 2015 season.
Responding on Medium.com to, among others, ESPN personalities Stephen A. Smith and Cris Carter as well as NBA on TNT's Charles Barkley — who respectively said, "I harbor no sympathy for him whatsoever," "my concern is his well being," and "Gordon is going to die if he keeps going on this road" — the 2013 All-Pro dismissed those who cast aspersions, if only because they do not know him.
I failed myself when [I] started using marijuana regularly as a young teenager. I failed myself when I ruined a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be Robert Griffin III’s running mate during his Heisman Trophy-winning season at Baylor. I failed myself when I didn’t check with the league office to ensure that my doctor-prescribed, codeine-based medicine was allowed under NFL guidelines. I failed myself when I was arrested for driving a motor vehicle with a blood-alcohol level over the legal limit. I failed myself when I missed a team walkthrough late in the season and was suspended for the final game of the year.
But you know what, Charles, Stephen A., Cris and everyone else? I also have succeeded.
I succeeded by escaping a youth riddled with poverty, gang violence and very little in the way of guidance or support. I succeeded by narrowly avoiding a life of crime that managed to sink its clutches into almost all of my childhood friends. I succeeded by working tremendously hard on my craft and my body to even have a chance to play professional football for a living. And, contrary to popular belief, I succeeded by overcoming my longstanding relationship with weed — because I knew I was risking my future over it.
While questioning the motives of media members whose words are sometimes louder than their actions, Gordon details his experience growing up with two brothers in a single-parent home in a poor Houston neighborhood where drugs, alcohol and guns were prevalent — a childhood to which both Barkley and Carter can relate all too well. He also claims to have not smoked marijuana since before the Browns selected him in the second round of the 2012 supplemental draft despite an alleged positive test.
The letter juxtaposes Gordon's acceptance of his own faults and the excuses he offers for them. He says a blood-alcohol content only .01 above the legal limit led to his DUI charge, second-hand weed smoke caused his positive drug test and a few drinks on a flight to Las Vegas five days after Cleveland's final game unknowingly violated his agreement to abstain from alcohol for the rest of this NFL season. Even taking Gordon at his word, he's still violated the league's substance abuse policy multiple times.
If you're the type of person who wonders how anyone with Gordon's talent could risk a lucrative career for such seemingly minor infractions, you still cannot put yourself in his shoes, and he does a nice job of explaining why that's the case. By the end, though, you just feel bad for a 23-year-old kid who hasn't quite figured it all out yet, and that's OK. It all seems to be part of his process, whatever that may be.
What I do know is the following: I am not a drug addict; I am not an alcoholic; I am not someone who deserves to be dissected and analyzed like some tragic example of everything that can possibly go wrong for a professional athlete. And … I am not going to die on account of the troubled state you wrongly believe my life to be in. I am a human being, with feelings and emotions and scars and flaws, just like anyone else. I make mistakes — I have made a lot of mistakes — but I am a good person, and I will persevere.
In the court of public opinion, only Gordon's ability to avoid further off-field incidents will sway the jury in his favor, but here's hoping he's telling nothing but the truth, so help him God.
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