The most crushing defeat: What it's like to lose a Super Bowl

Denver Broncos linebacker Brandon Marshall was minding his business, enjoying Super Bowl week, relaxing in his hotel room by watching some TV.

Then the highlights of the Broncos' 43-8 Super Bowl XLVIII loss to the Seattle Seahawks was on his screen without warning. That will ruin your day.

"You get mad," Marshall said. "You just wish it could have turned out different."

After the Broncos face the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, we'll celebrate the winners. Confetti will rain down on them, they'll get a parade back home, and for the rest of their lives they'll be recognized as champions. It's a life-changing experience to win a Super Bowl.

It's a life-changing experience to lose one, too.

Ask former quarterback Boomer Esiason, whose Cincinnati Bengals lost to Joe Montana and the San Francisco 49ers in the final minute of Super Bowl XXIII.

"I do appearances with Joe Montana. He gets $500,000 and I get $5,000," Esiason said. "I have to take the slings and arrows of listening to how great he was and the John Candy story. I just want to kick his [butt].

The Denver Broncos late in their Super Bowl XLVIII loss

"At least I can say I was there and know what it was like, but the way we lost was really disheartening."

Esiason can joke around about it, and says he doesn't think about losing a Super Bowl every day or anything. He talks about how he can look back on that Bengals team and be proud of what they accomplished. But still.

"I can tell you for 95 percent of it, my day was the best day of my life," Esiason said of Super Bowl XXIII. "The last five percent is why I hold a grudge against Joe Montana."

Everyone had a different answer on how long it took for them to get over the loss. At some point everyone has to get on with their lives and their careers. But it was also pretty clear that the feeling of losing the biggest game in American sports never truly leaves you.

A couple days after that Super Bowl XLVIII loss, Broncos general manager John Elway was asked how long it took for him to get over his three Super Bowl losses as Denver's quarterback. He lost three times, at the end of the 1986, 1987 and 1989 seasons.

"I'm not over them yet," Elway said. "I just add this one to it."

Bill Polian was the architect of the Buffalo Bills teams that lost four straight Super Bowls in the early 1990s. He sat with his huge Indianapolis Colts Super Bowl ring from their win in Super Bowl XLI on his right ring finger this week, talking about Super Bowl 50 as part of ESPN's coverage team. Having a championship ring doesn't mean he has forgotten the disappointments. Not in the slightest.

"A win does not erase the losses," Polian said.

Polian discusses the Super Bowl losses like he's reliving the most traumatic moments of his life.

"There's no loss like it in your career, and there's no loss like it other than a death or a serious injury in the family," Polian said. "It is as devastating as it's possible to be.

"To get there is the culmination of all your dreams and aspirations, whether you're a player, coach, front-office executive, it doesn't matter. If you touch the team, it means you dedicated your life to the sport. You climbed the mountain, you say 'I dreamed about this when I was 10 years old,' and now it has come true. Then later in the week, you recognize, no matter what happens, you may have a chance to have your name in the history books, if you win. When you lose, all of that goes away. It's devastating."

John Taylor's touchdown in the final minute of Super Bowl
XXIII broke the Cincinnati Bengals' hearts (Getty Images)

When asked if he still thinks about the Bills' losses, like what they could have done differently in Super Bowl XXV against the New York Giants, Polian immediately answers, "Absolutely." Those games stick with you.

"What you've lost, in many ways, is your legacy," Polian said. "It's hard because of all you invested in it."

Players on the losing Super Bowl team get rings too. Not everyone knows that because we never hear about that ring. They're usually pretty cool looking rings, but you can be around NFL players for many years and never see one in person. They're supposed to be a celebration of a great accomplishment, winning a conference championship and playing in a Super Bowl, but too often they become reminders of the final game of that season. That's why you almost never see someone wearing one out in public.

"It's not the ring you want," said tight end Vernon Davis, who lost in a Super Bowl with the San Francisco 49ers three seasons ago. "That ring can go in the trash, man.

"You put your heart and soul into this game, and you go into it with a winning attitude. When you don't win, you feel very, very disappointed inside and out."

It's a little unfortunate. Stepping back and looking at the big picture, there are worse things than ending a season at the Super Bowl. Ask the Cleveland Browns or the Detroit Lions or those teams' fans if they'd sign up for winning a conference championship and losing the game after it. It's a great accomplishment to even get this far and an incredible thing to tell people the rest of your life that you played in a Super Bowl.

But we all know that's not what happens. In many ways it's more crushing to lose in a Super Bowl than never get there at all. Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning knows. He lost Super Bowl XLIV as part of the Indianapolis Colts and Super Bowl XLVIII as part of the Broncos. There have been a few thousand stories written this week about the possibility that Manning retires after Super Bowl 50, and how a win would allow him to ride off into the sunset on the perfect ending.

But it's also possible that Manning gets the send-off nobody wants.

"I can’t say there are a lot of positives in going through a Super Bowl loss," Manning said. "It’s not a fun experience. Does it fuel you? Yeah, I think it depends on who you are and kind of what drives you.

"I’m very grateful for the opportunity to be going back to a Super Bowl, and I can certainly attest that winning is a lot better than losing."